I wish to tell you a tale of Bravery, Adventure and a whole lot of Boo Boo's.
(It would help if you met who I was talking about, But, I'm sure you'll figure them out soon enough).
Thus we will begin the tale from here ...

THE YEAR: Although being the wiseman that I am, I can't really tell you the year, sorry, I can't count that high. Lets just say it is around spring, or there abouts.

THE PLACE: On the planet Warts,
(Although the people are called Warts and Warthogs, they realy are normal looking, They just get warts just before mating season begins, when the season is gone the warts leave to)
Ok, now ... were inside the castle "Holy Schmoly"

Named aptly from the Kings first words uttered, after seeing it upon it's completion.
(needless to say, it was not built the way he had wanted it to be).
Fifteen stories straight up, in the shape of a turret
(but square)
The builder only having one eye, didn't see the rest of the blueprints and built what he saw.
And being hit to many times in the head with bricks, (at least that is what many say) He put the throne room at the very top.
You can imaging the King and Queen don't get many visitors.

Ok, Now where was I? OH YES ...

THE TIME: Now (morning), unless of course you want the exact time, which would require me to take you outside, wait for the clouds to part
(which could take all day)
So, if you want to hear the story, stay with me and trust that the time is still now, (morning).
For those of you still stuck on the exact time thingy ...
Go outside, look up in the sky, wait for the clouds to part. When you figured out the time, come back inside and let us know.
Course you would miss some of the story, and the time would still be now.
Anyway ... As I was saying.

Gathered in the entrance of Castle Holy Schmoly, at the bottom of the not-so-wide stairs, was a group of mismatched folks, staring up at the endless flights of stairs and groaning.
They were not looking forward to the fifteen flights of stairs, but they had to go, it was the King's command.
"Allof Me", the Queens lady, spoke first.
"We must not make sounds of women ... Let us begin". Taking the strangers hand she started up the long climb, with him in tow.
The stranger being one "Anty Bandaid", an Offlander, and behind him, his companions, "Splotchy" and "Fydoe".

AntySplochyFydoe

During this climb, there was little conversation and more time to think. The only conversation was stopped abruptly by Allof's remark after Anty ask her to slow down.
"Madame, please ... I beg of you to slow your pace, my legs are not sized to these stairs, besides, I do not like heights!"
Allof simply said, "You complain much."
A THWAP to Anty's ego! To be sure!
So in his silence, he began to mull over how such a simple request from his cities ruler could land him in such a place!
Anty shook his head while thinking back on what started it all.

He came from a far off desert world, where "Riding Hounds" were standard practice, due to the inhabitants stature.
(Lets face it, there are rinky dinky!)
He had been sent on an errand to the far off land of the breeders, to purchase a new line of riding hound stock for his cities ruler.
Just before he arrived at his destination, Anty was met up by some strange offlanders, who required his help, They needed "Lighting Sticks"so they could get thier crafts engines going again.
Out of politeness, Anty showed them how to make the lighting sticks, the Captain told his crew they could use Anty as a permanent member of the crew, for his talents so to speak, (unwilling of course), so they talked him and his trusty companion "Fydoe" into the craft for a tour, and took off!

Thus began Anty Bandaid's adventures, where he has seen wondrous worlds, he never knew existed.
Till one fateful day ... They stopped on a far off world to trade, before they could leave they were arrested for a theft the Captain committed. (The Kings Daughter, she was accosted, in the most willing way, but cried a different tune when caught)
Now, Anty, being all of four foot two inches tall was easily missed in the crowd, and he took full advantage of this, he turned and ran for his life, right smack in to his now grouchy blue tinted friend "Splotchy"
After explaining to Splotchy he needed his help or he would lose his head for a crime he did not commit, Splotchy said "Weel Now Laddie, I be likin te' heelp ye' but I be looking fer lighting sticks fer ourr ship, we te must leef dhis worlt."
Hearing this, Anty smiled, wrapped his arm around Splotchy's thigh and said "come my friend, we should talk".
( And thus Anty was on his way once again).

On their way to Splotchy's home port, they ran into a meteor shower which caused the ship to crash on the world "Warts" ... Killing everyone but Anty Bandaid, Splotchy, and Fydoe the riding hound.
They were found by the inhabitants of this world, had their boo boo's fixed up and are now about to meet with the King.
Hopefuly the King could help, but he did not know ...

During Anty's adventures he learned how to improve on the lighting sticks, and he even made a holder to preserve them.
With lighting sticks in hand, and the many world ports he had stop at, made him a wealthy man indeed.

At the eighth floor landing they stopped to have lunch, this was standard practice and quite necessary, if one wanted to have the energy for the rest of the climb.
Wondering at the oddness of this castle Anty asked Allof "Madame, Why was this castle kept this way if no one likes it?" Allof explained, "I have explained to you how it was made, but the reason it is kept this way is simple ... If we were attacked by our enemies, do you think they would make it to the top without difficulty?" Understanding he nodded then asked "You have enemies?" "Of course we do, yet they do not wish to attack here, they die to easy, so what is the point? Instead they raid the villages, and in turn the Captain (sigh...) he raids them back." Anty noticing Allof's sigh of awe asked "The Captain?" She sighed again in awe "yes, HIM ...." "who is this Captain?"
But instead of answering his question she asked one of her own "Don't you ever wash your dog?" Perplexed by this change in subjects and the word dog, he asked "what .. is a dog?" Allof pointed to Fydoe and wrinkled her nose in disgust.
Laughing he said "That is no dog, he is my companion Fydoe ... he is a riding hound." Puzzled she looked at him blankly "A what?" Surprised he asked "have you never heard of riding hounds?" she shook her head no, " well madame, watch".
Anty went to Fydoe mounted his back and proceeded to trot him all over the cavernous room, ending with him jumping over a large table. Allof was very impressed and clapped for the tricks.

From the doorway a boom of laughter echoed into the room followed by "So the dog can Jump!" then more laughter as the huge apparition turned and went up the remaining flights towards the King.
So shocked at the sound and size of that huge monster Anty pointed towards the now empty doorway and shrieked "WHAT WAS THAT?!?!" Already in her own dreamy world she sighed and said "oh .. (sigh ...), That was Captain Vitamin Keylatch, (sigh ...)" Awed that someone could like such a creature, Anty asked none to nicely "But ... but ... he is so grotesque! How can you be so enamored of that???" Jerking out of her dreamy swoon by that insult to her Captain, she snapped, "He is our greatest warthog! And he is in his armour, so what you have seen did it's job well! What is under that mask, is to beautiful for words ... you will see!" Not quite over her peak, she said sharply "come! we must go now." They left the room and continued climbing the remaining seven flights of stairs to the King.

Arriving at the top where the throne room was, they paused to catch their breath, this is when Allof directed Anty for the proper greeting to the King. "First, you wait to be announced by the herald, then when he is done, you go half way to the King and go down on one knee and bow your head." he nodded and said "Ok ..." she continued "Then you walk right up to him, put your hand on the back of his throne, bend down and whisper to him -"What troubles this place old man" - Say it like you mean it, if he gasps, then you have his permission to step back and speak."
Anty said "This is an odd royal greeting, why is it thus?" Allof smiled "He likes the flair for the dramatics." Before Anty could comment, there was a loud noise.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! "MY LORD! THESE ARE THE OFFLANDERS! ANTY BANDAID, SPLOTCHY AND FYDOE! THEY ARE THE ONES WHO ..."
The Kingcut off his bellowing herald, waved his hand for him to shut up. "I know who they are "E. Lamates" ... I sent for them." E. Lamates the herald, got upset by the dismissal and said "Look here "King Warthead" ... I get maybe three speaking parts in this spoof, you could at least let me say the whole thing!" The King use to E's outbursts just nodded his head, and said under his breath, "Bellowing old wind bag!" then bade Anty to come forward.
Anty did as was told, then after hearing the Kings gasp, stood back to wait for the King to speak, "What can we do for you Offlander?" Anty began ... "My Lord ... I beg your aid for my friend." gesturing towards Splotchy, and continuing, "He is in dire need of returning to his world, to get help for his Princess." The King motioned for Splotchy to step forward and asked "can you explain?"
Splotchy stepped forward, bowed and began. "Och aye ... Ouurr Prrincess was te' be delivereed an' marit te' her bride groom, which she were, But before we could se' te de weddin proper like, de worlt were set upon by some evil critures called de "Winklets".
"De leeders are known te us as "Maw an' Paw Winklet" two of de nastiest villians as you did ever see, They be demandin' a randsom fer ouur Prrincess, an' if et's no delivered en time she weel surly die! My lord, I be runnin outa time!" The King acting as if he understood all that gibberish, asked "And what is it you need of us?" Splotchy said "I be needin me ship repaireed, so I ceen return te me home fer help."
The King pondered for a moment, then bellowed "CAPTAIN KEYLATCH!!!" Who suddenly appeared at his side and said in a deep rumbling voice "My Lord?" the King turned to talk to the Captain and leaped half way off of his throne, "Jesu man! Take that blasted helmet off!" The Captain whined "Do I gotta?" The King asked "Do you wish to cause my death?" Turning and taking off his helmet he sighed "No my Lord" As he did so, the room errupted with squeals and sighs, which was the main reason he prefered wearing it ... to keep from hearing all the gushing that was made over him, (he is very shy)
With that done, the King said to Captain Keylatch and the room as a whole, "Captain, You will go and gather the best minds and men together, help this man fix up his ship then go and rescue this Princess of his." Splotchy was about to protest the help, but the King added "Given your time and my warts abilities, your task can be handled that much sooner, besides when your Princess is rescued, I will only ask for one payment, your ship, so we as a world can prosper in our future and protect ourselves as well." Not even giving it much thought Splotchy agreed.
The King said "Meet with Captain Keylatch in the morning at your ship" Then he waved them all to be dismissed.

King Warthead's wifeQueen Vailable asked "What other purpose is there?" knowing her husband all to well. He chuckled and looked towards his son, who was sitting on the floor by the fireplace playing with his toy solders. Then he sighed, "Meanders will be 35 this winter, he needs a bride, Lord knows no one here wants him, so the only other choice would be an offlander, the ship will help us provide him one." They both knew this to be true and stared at thier son. Feeling their stares on him the Prince turned to his parents and automatically said in his whining voice "I didn't do it!" The King just turned his head to his wife as if saying see? She sighed and just nodded.

Chapter 1